Please, could you stop lying and be the child you really are?

What? I’m a not child. False.

This is the biggest change from childhood to adulthood. When you grow up, you finally get to understand that adults are just kids trying to hide their fears, expecting to figure out where they are going and what is the aim of living the way they do, sometimes trying very hard to show that they control everything perfectly to everyone around, when in reality, they suffocate under their overwhelming apprehensions regarding their future.  

In the beginning if my 20s, finding my place in the big world of adults was a real struggle for me as I was seeing everyone around me going peacefully on the road of their lives. I could see some of them running to pick up the kids at school, some other buying a new house. I could hear about their next destination for the upcoming holidays, their project to create a new company. I could listen to their plans, their expected dreamed jobs and their amazing opportunities. I felt lost, desperate and sometimes very miserable to see them embrace their lives in a way I did not know. I was not in a hurry to have a kid, I’ve never had the wish to buy a house and I was not planning my life in any way. What was wrong with me?

When I reaching my 5th year at university, my relatives were quite eager to jump into adulthood with everything that comes with babies and loans. I silently watched them evolve at the same speed as light. I was still wondering what was going on with me, as I was full of fears and overwhelmed with the inability to decide what kind of life would suit me the most. I thought that everyone had clearly figured out where they were heading and I was the only one left on the side of the road that leads to adulthood.

I took me time, even years to understand that adulthood doesn’t mean anything. Paying taxes and working on a full time job does not make you a mature individual. By the way, I was never taught at school when does childhood end and adulthood start. Can you tell me when you became an adult? Because, as far as I’m concerned, I still don’t know.    

Dear readers, I’m about to turn 27 and I still have no idea where life is taking me. I don’t have anything that would label me as an adult and the more years go by, the less I can define precisely what makes adulthood as different as I was told. I don’t know if this is only me or the others are just a façade. Maybe they are all like me and they believe that I have all figured out. In any way, I don’t feel like I’m clearly different than the person I used to be 10 years ago, I just gained experience and numerous struggles. I probably got a little bit wiser, I can admit.

After graduating university with a master degree and the highest distinctions, after finding a full time job as an executive in a big company, I can see now that I’m not the only one who feels left outside. I started meeting people with a great life on the picture but who were feeling even more lost and desperate than me sometimes. I could listen to their issues with many complaints regarding their life choices, as I was hearing : “I work 50 hours a week, have two kids and a big loan for the house we built but I don’t find any time for myself and I hate my job. I cannot quit because of my responsibilities. Is this what is waiting for me until retirement?”.

Then, why do we all put so much effort to make adulthood look so serious? Why don’t we let ourselves be the kids we still are? Why are we such in a hurry to experience everything life has to offer without taking time to really think about what we want and what we need?

The thing is, I do believe that we stop being kids when we start worrying about the future. If there is something I definitively lost is my peace of mind. When I was a kid, I used to live my life day-to-day and when something was planned for the day after, that was the farthest I could think about. In a way, I do think that growing up is only losing our recklessness. But let’s be honest, what forces us to lose it when this world is only what we created?

Is there absolutely no way to keep our peace of mind? Isn’t it just a matter of choice we make, an amount of burden we decide to take on our shoulders? Can we go back to the children we were and stop getting nervous about what will happen tomorrow? Can we stop trying that hard to run after goals we don’t know anything about?

Children were not taught to live in the moment. They have it in their genes. We still have it in our genes. Then, why can’t we be the big children we all are?

Dear reader, take care.

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